Like some other Rioters, I’m afraid of lipstick.

I always imagine that I’ll roll on the stuff from a tube of crimson and I’ll look like a 5’1” Joan Harris. Inevitably, I end up looking like Joker, the sex worker from that Edit Piaf biopic, or a small child who still doesn’t know how to do fruit punch right. So I go for crayons, (often BITE or Make Up Forever,) or gloss (Laura Mercier.) But I’ve just tried BITE’s lipsticks, with their new Amuse Bouche formula, and they’re totally idiot-proof.

For starters, they’re so creamy that you can build on it easily, but when you first apply them, they go on comfortingly thin. They’re excellent for long wear, but they don’t weigh you down. Maybe because they’re made with organic oils. Depends on the kind of mug you have, but this is ideal when it’s a total lip freeze out there.

The list of oils reads like a trip to the spa I can’t take (argan, pomegranate, apricot, avocado, and sweet almond.) Trying not to eat them was easy, because I’d rather stare at all the shades. We tested them out, and the sweet cream, kimchi, and gin fizz all look great on a variety of skin tones. The company is billing them as “sensual,” and if Bridget Everett applied them, they’d be right. They taste scumptious, and opening the box is akin to the feeling you got when a box of pencils made school somewhat less unbearable.

If anything is missing, it’s an orange-y tone, but there’s plenty of colors from eggplant an beet root to lighter ones like meringue and souffle. (They have their white base lipstick if you’re ambitious enough for ombre, but one color is striking and easy enough for a novice.)

Ever since I saw Lena Dunham do Vogue advertorial content with Tom Ford’s box of 83,699 lipsticks, I wanted the dough to actually be able to buy a totally impractical giant box of numerous lipsticks for someone.

This box is doable.

Photo by Anthony Velez, No Future Photography