It’s almost time for spring renewal. We hope women of all sizes and astrological signs have a new lease on life. In the spirit of a new dawn and a new day, here are the things we at RunwayRiot feel you can definitely stop uttering to women who are on the curvier side. While we’re in the zone, we’ll add that off-hand yammering about bodies of any size are best kept to oneself, just like your elaborate dreams about having sexy relations with Douglas Stamper pre-alcoholism.
Here are 11 lines you can avoid if you want to keep your squad’s body diversity going strong.
1. You have SUCH a gorgeous face.
Cheers. Shame to learn from you that I’m not dripping with gorgeousness all over. This is the exact reason I’m not getting a selfie stick.
2. I’d let you borrow it but, ugh I just don’t want it to be all stretched out.
But they’re stretch pants.
3. You could lose a few, but you have to love yourself first.
We always appreciate a helpful lesson in how we feel about ourselves. Let us know when you host the next meeting on how the heck we’re supposed to accept our knees at this size.
4. You think you’re healthy, but you really need to take care of yourself.
This is also what Salt N’ Pepa was singing about with NYOB.
5. Wow, you’re eating fruit and I’m eating [insert sugary thing here] the world must not be fair.
And here we were thinking we were all good and that we were all equal under the Constitution.
6. Do you mind if we wear matching crop tops?
Because if we don’t and everyone else in the crew does the world will implode right? Or we could just wear one too, or be happy for women who like to?
7. Have you heard about Weight Watchers?
Yes, we saw Betty Draper angrily eat celery and it looked like a blast.
8. If I can’t wear leg warmers you can’t.
This is why you’re needed, to keep my legs and style in line.
9. Oh yes, that is so slimming on you. Now you look good. Or, “this will make you look slimmer.”
Brb burning all non-black clothes ASAP. And when I’m slimmer, can’t wait for it to rain champagne.
10. I hear you’re pregnant.
I heard a trap door opened underneath you and you were never heard from again. What a shame.
11. When asked how you look from behind in a bathing suit: It’s not bad, but it’s not good.
Not bad but not good from behind is a tramp stamp we need.