You haven’t even Seamlessed ramen yet and Amy Schumer has responded to the backlash for her unthinkably cruel remark about poor defenseless Taylor Swift and the distance between her two long legs.
So last time we checked, Amy Schumer is a comedian. And female comedians always joke about how “perfect” the real actresses of Hollywood royalty are. But apparently Amy Schumer declared war on Taylor Swift and women with thigh gaps everywhere because she did this with Bridget Everett (a.k.a. the President.)
This from a comic who jokes about her own “at-risk chin.”
TSWIFT’S FANS: That’s body shaming! More backlash including boat loads of ugly body shaming things, turning the tables on the curvier women because they just spend so much time criticizing people who are slimmer
AMY: #sorrynotsorry, self-deprecating beard joke, proof that she’s a comic, no celebrity names
Trigger warning: when ET Online seizes the moment to write about a “feud,” they always take the fair and balanced approach and use some very choice photos of the two parties.
Seriously look at the picture of Amy ET Online went out of all the “flattering” pictures that are available on Getty Images, their source, compared to Taylor Swift’s posed red carpet shot. Don’t act like that wasn’t an intentional juxtaposition.
Isn’t it so awful that Amy joked about not having a thigh gap, naming a celebrity who is often confused with supermodel Karlie Kloss? Taylor Swift will never walk again, probably.
Real talk. The fact remains. Taylor Swift is objectively what the media, fashion industry, psychic mediums, and seashells that send you secret messages all frequently reinforce as beauty. And given our knowledge of Amy Schumer, we can safely assume that she wasn’t ridiculing Taylor Swift’s body. (And to the people actually do that to slim people, get bent, we dislike you.)
But in the name of the Taylor Swift Agenda (as Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake plays in the background,) people have still swarmed in to tell Amy off, and to call her and Bridget “whales.” The whole thing is so ridiculous because it villainizes two people who have done a lot for the image of women…of every size. And it’s because they don’t even get Amy’s caption. Now, much of Amy’s light comedy is serious – she just makes it so damn enjoyable. She truly does want to make people think. This is a woman who also tells people to stop comparing themselves to others, and to focus on just getting nude pics. It would be very out of character for her to say another woman is doing life wrong based on her all-important looks, and she didn’t do that.
Amy Schumer has miles and miles of a proven track record tackling messed up beauty standards, and they’re not all about size. You’ve watched her get trained to smile right so that a dog stopped beating her at the style game. You’ve watched her lose her job to make time for a spa day in order to please a man. You’ve watched her experience the HORROR of her own face without makeup. And she’s a size shamer? Please.
If she can’t casually make a joke about someone who obviously yes, happens to have slimmer legs than she does, then it’s our loss. Seriously, please don’t let Amy’s fame curb her freedom to be funny. Good thing Amy refuses to buy into the whole culture of apology, which is encouraging. With the more famous friends she collects, hopefully she won’t stop calling out dumb beauty standards without limits. Occasionally, she should mention famouses like Khloe Kardashian and Taylor Swift. She should be able to make light of weight and shape.
We’re in the home stretch of this non-feud. (Taylor settles things by contacting the management and texts the actual celebrity, we know this because she’s said as much.)
Taylor will probably text Amy, ‘girl, I can tell by your Instabeard, you didn’t mean a bad thing by it <3 Tay.' Amy will probably reply, 'thanks girl, let's meet in the Konk (Ronkokoma,) for a bottle of red and a bottle of white with J. Law.' Bridget Everett (GOD): 'Christ, this feud’s a real snooze, let’s go back to my place.' Let's get the gang bang together and declare ourselves the Schums so we can come for anyone who comes for Amy. We'd say Schumz for edginess but that's too lame. We will only do it if Bridget Everett lets us rub our head all over her hot beach bod. ET Online, we’d also like “it didn’t go over too well,” to be our first tramp stamp.