Winona Ryder’s Rag & Bone ads got us feeling nostalgic about Reality Bites. The movie is two hours of gold packaged into one self-righteous and self-parodying apartment. It was the first legit movie to tackle the anti-climax the ’90s handed to college grads, and the themes still hold up. Just stack up the movie’s best moments: its couch-ridden philosophizers, the vintage dresses, the DKNY hip hop couture, and this movie is guaranteed to be relevant for awhile.
Forget the student loan debt, we are in cultural debt to Ben Stiller for cashing in on this moment, and for playing the yuppie exec who also tries to cash in on this moment. If not for him, and if not for Janeane Garofalo and Winona Ryder, we wouldn’t have these 14 important life and style lessons to live by. In preparation for Ryder’s return to Drunk History tonight, let’s jump right in.
1. It’s best to fall into the Gap for basics, and the ideal way to get liberated is to roll up the sleeves on your denim shirt.
2. If you have the right bangs, teacher dresses automatically look cool.
3. Have reading material on hand to prevent one-night-stands who overstay their welcome from voicing opinions.
4. Don’t pay too much attention when you’re driving. It could cost you a shot at a T.V. deal.
5. Buying stuff in your size isn’t a requirement.
7. We hate to break it to you if you’ve been searching hard, but the answer to everything really just is pizza.
8. Second date uniform inspo: ornamental mats of lace paper upon which layer cakes are placed.
9. When you’re out of work, think out of the box. Like shady gas station deals, selling your soul, what have you.
10. No one understands the street like DKNY. When it comes to turf wars, it’s best to stay neutral, and to make your statement with a $75 DKNY bandana (blue for Crips and Red for Bloods.)
11. If your boss is a prick, help him show the world his true character with cue cards that say everything he can’t.
12. The right move is to cover the whole food pyramid in one big gulp.
13. No one wants you to wear a halter top and a choker to their funeral.
14. Lurching back and forth passes for dancing in some cultures.
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