I flat iron my crazy long hair into submission daily. When I told a stylist this, he got all school nurse on me, got REAL serious, and asked “do you use protection?”
I don’t. It’s bad. My ends are damaged. So when I heard that something called “hair botox” was a real thing that was happening at Maria Bonita Salon, I was in. This botox is not like the well-deserved squirt between the eyes a Housewife gets over coffee. Hair botox is just the name. No actual Botox is used in the making of your new look. It’s a gloopy coconut water-like hair treatment made with essential nutrients like vitamins A, E, a bunch of amino acids to get the hair protein bonds. It’s safe for all hair types, lasts four weeks, and it made my boyfriend say my hair looked luminous. This was also after a blow out as opposed to my usual M.O.: flat iron for two minutes, rearrange my bangs, which I cut myself like a rebellious three-year-old, and give the whole “I’m a woman who knows what I want,” appearance thing a go.
For someone who doesn’t pay too much attention to their look, I’ve done a lot of road testing for journalism — including letting Maria Bonita Salon light my hair on fire to get rid of my split ends. The reason I wanted to get my hair “Botoxed” is because the results are similar to Keratin, but Keratin has that toxin formaldehyde, (human carcinogen according to the EPA so pass,) and the Hair Botox at Maria Bonita just conditions damaged hair.
Roger, a cheery experienced stylist who made me believe everything in the world was fantastic because he said it a lot, brushed on the cool mixture on to my neglected hairdo slowly and carefully, section by section. Spinning it into little twists, he set about giving my hair some love. When he clipped my hair into Wednesday Adaams pigtails, I told him I loved this look and wanted to leave with it, to which he said, “no I would never let you do that, and thank you for being with Roger today.” This guy really loved his work and preached that hair is like a child and you have to take care of it. Me: “my dry ends have split ends on split ends that spazzed out in every direction,” him: “don’t you dare say that. You better thank God for your hair, don’t complain, your hair is gorgeous, otherwise Jesus will be mad.” I really wanted to heaven to shine on my hair so I just focused on the positive things.
When he had finally got my whole head all glooped up, which felt cool and totally natural, (no gross chemical-y smells,) it was time for me to sit under a heat lamp like a Betty Draper-type person. I got antsy marinating my head under the dryer for thirty minutes, but Roger assured me “to look gorgeous, you got to sacrifice.”
I didn’t want the flat iron, but Roger insisted because that’s what makes the product #werk. When he blew me out, behold! No frizz, no more hair that feels like dry grass in an area of New Orleans True Detective season one couldn’t be filmed. It felt weightless and shiny without additional products. But this was a salon knew I couldn’t judge the treatment after a beautiful salon blowout. But after two washes with my own Duane Reade shampoo, my hair still feels and looks noticeably softer, healthier, and silky. Fantastic. Don’t try this at home with actual Botox.