Amy Schumer delivers the truth about everyone’s insecurities in the most relatable way. She cuts right to the dark humor of our obsession with beauty and how it robs us of all other concerns like our jobs and reality. Her tale of a woman just doing her very best is packed full of conversations with the mirror, a shopping trip for a dress in her fantasy size at Wink, and barbed gender politics. It’s refreshing to see her thriving in the mainstream by dealing with crippling self-doubt and tough questions like whether or not your loose travesty of a vagina will ever be able to hold onto a man. Let Instagram stay peopled with perfect specimens who don’t understand what language you’re speaking when you say “split ends” as long as we can have her.
Here are her very best ridiculously on-point sketches about body image issues.
1. Sex Prep
In which Amy quits her job so she can spend a day in a salon where she gets her asshole reshaped into a four leaf clover. It’s all in preparation for her appointment with a fuck buddy. She also ponders the headline, “Are Your Boobs Disappointing Everyone?” Because none of the primping could actually make her pass for an acceptable sex partner, she ends up hiding under her bed, which is much better than showing a man what you look like.
2. Compliments
In which supportive female friends shower each other with praise. The compliments are extreme: “your tits make Katy Perry’s look like the Holocaust.” Obviously the rules are to give extreme compliments like that, but if you receive one, make sure you relay how disgusting you think you are with a creative reference. If you accept a compliment, the others will have no choice but to behave appropriately by blowing themselves up.
3. Makeover
In which Amy tries to cling to her new and improved makeover T.V. show look. Rather than parting with her smoky eye and beachy waves, she sticks a middle finger to the shower for half a year and achieves the look of a psycho.
4. Nutritionist
In which Janeane Garofalo is the straight-talking nutritionist who works with every famous in the world. Amy starts in about her usual meals: salad and yogurt, but obviously that’s too gluttonous if you want to be the perfect woman. Her only options include: the Instagram diet that lets you order whatever you want, but you can only post it on social media, and other solid food-free options. There’s even the trick of getting arrested or having your uncontrollable mouth wired shut.
5. Gang Bang
In which Amy holds a gang bang in the grand tradition of brave female historical figures. A less than ideal Craiglist-sourced turnout shows up, but when one man admits she’s not his type body-wise, he challenges her feminism.
